100k

This week The Cellulord has been party to a momentous occasion ... This blog crested 100,000 page views.

That means people like you have visited, made yourselves comfortable and looked around 100,000 times.

Sure, I know most of you have been here to look at the pictures rather than read the text and, more often than not, those pictures were of Scarface and the scantily-clad women of Sucker Punch ... But how and whyever you were here, here you were!

Thank-you.  And now, by way of evidence, (because, obviously, no one takes a reviewer's word for anything) I offer you another picture:

11/11/11

 

All we ever ask our political leaders to do is protect us. Waging war is the single most despicable way they can fail ... And there is, hopefully, a special place in Hell for Blair, Bush, Thatcher and every other leader who sacrifice young men and women for a vote or a profit point. 

I sometimes fear that generations of weak, mendacious leadership have left us so cynical that, if were ever again in danger of military invasion, if our freedom and lives were every *really* at risk ... No one would step up and take a stand.

I gaze at the blank-eyed mouth-breathers I sometimes teach and think that our (great) grandparents went through unimaginable suffering, simply so our generation could become ignorant, apathetic and arrogant. 

Then I think about the people who still get off their arses and march and protest and camp outside St. Paul's simply because they have the right to have their say ... I think about the people who train for months to run marathons for charity, year after year ... I think about the people who risk their lives every day in lifeboats or as volunteer firefighters or mountain rescue when it would be so much easier not to ... Or who go unarmed into warzones and disaster zones to help, not because anyone makes them, but simply because they couldn't live with themselves if they didn't.  

I realise that the spirit that inspired people to walk into harms way back then, still exists today. We still have heroes. There are some pretty extra-ordinary ordinary people in the world. Hopefully we'll never need to carve their names in stone.

And This News Just In ...

© Wiley Miller 2011

THE CELLULORD ON STAGE - ACT TWO

So, I was down on The South Coast, doing my turn, telling people How To Have an Opinion when I received an interesting and unsolicited "tweet" on my Twitter account - @cellulord. This intriguing message was from James King - @jameskingmovies - and he had a tempting proposal which I simply couldn't turn down

Turns out he was going to introducing a special screening of the new Scarface Blu-Ray and he wanted me to be his guest interviewee.  It seems he knew of the Brian DePalma book I wrote in a previous life and, having written said book, made me an 'expert' on Brian DePalma. I had to re-read my book on the train since I'd written it eleven years ago and had successfully forgotten most every word but but, y'know, I'll take 'em where I can get 'em.

The screening was to take place here:

That is one of the two screening rooms in The Soho Hotel which is, I am assured, London's swankiest residence these days.  Think Hotel Babylon crossed with Derek Flint's apartment and you're about there!

So down I went to That There London and met Mr. King - who has failed entirely to grasp the point of film criticism, in that he stands there tall, slim, handsome and cheerful with a particularly distressing full head of hair!  Critics are short and bald with an attitude problem, doesn't he know this?

Anyway - we got on very well, despite having first about five minutes before going on stage.  Of course, we have a shared love of movies and a radio background, so there is a lot of common-ground.

The whole event was organised by Katie Aust on behalf of HMV and their rewards programme (which you can involved with here) and Sarah Jackson, who was also kind enough to take some photos of me in full flow. 

James does a bang-up job of feigning interest as my point rambles on ... and on ... and on ...

... Before I treat him to my Lady Gaga impersonation.

And, in case you don't know what all the fuss is about.  Scarface ... The film that defined the 1980s:

THE CELLULORD ON STAGE - ACT ONE

Your humble Cellulord doing his turn as Murray Lachlan Young's warm-up ...

So, I've been away.  I've let my film reviewing responsibilities slide terribly over the last month.  I have a pile of notes that need writing up, but before I get to them, I thought I'd let you know something of where I've been.

Firstly, I was invited to give workshops at the inaugural West Dean Festival about how to be a film reviewer and how to publish a blog.  Well, I'm hardly qualified to talk knowledgably about the latter, but I have more than a few opinions about the former.  So I put together an hour-long presentation called:

'How To Have An Opinion'

Among the things I discussed were the need for a reviewer to become well-read in his subject because, after all, a reviewer is merely a person with an opinion.  Now, some people maintain that, in a free country, their opinion is theirs by right but, as the great Harlan Ellison put it so eloquently in the documentary Dreams With Sharp Teeth:

We looked at what offering your opinion as a critic can be.  It can be your soap-box, your chance to put across your dogmatic ideology.  It's your chance to be creative with words and to structure and eloquent, persuasive argument.  What it isn't ... Is something that will make a blind bit of different.  Film critics do not change the world.

For an illustration of this, I looked no further than The Critic, a show produced in 1994 and 5, which starred Jon Lovitz and concerned the peregrinations of a cynical, bald, fat, middle-aged film critic.  Can't think why I identify with the show so much ...




We also looked people's motives for becoming a critic or reviewer and found that this same episode of The Critic - episode 6, "Eyes on the Prize" - had the answer to that as well.  It shows quite clearly why Jay Sherman became a film critic ... And it's the reason so many do ... Because he couldn't cut it as a film-maker:



Sadly, this very situation makes too many critics spiteful and, seemingly, motivated by jealousy.  I know that I'd far rather be a movie script-writer than a critic, but that isn't quite how things have worked out, not yet at any rate.  Never-the-less, I try not to let my unfulfilled creative urges boil over into a cruel and bile-filled tirade against the work of those who are being creative.  At least not too often.

When I am moved to be needlessly unkind to a film, I try to remember this comment by undeniably one of the greatest film-makers who ever shouted "Action" on a soundstage:



You see, I would be mortified to think that any high-minded put-down of mine could upset a film-maker.  I genuinely love movies and have to admire the work of the people who keep putting them up there on the screen for me to enjoy.  Obviously there are exceptions, Mr. Sandler, but, as a general rule, I try not to be unnecessarily unkind. 

Because, remember, all a critic is is a person with an opinion and, as Charles Durning put it so eloquently in the Jodie Foster film Home For The Holidays ...



So, that's a glimpse at my modest contribution to The West Dean Festival.  I was on stage immediately before Murray Lachlan Young, who was very gracious about my talk.  Relieved to have done my bit, I didn't return the complement by staying to watch him perform.  Regret that now!

Anyway, this was the first ever West Dean Festival - a three-day event marked with dozens of workshops in everything from knitting to enamelling and pizza throwing.  There were philosophical discussions to the accompaniment of ukulels, self-published comics, ferret racing and story-telling.  There were street performers ever though were no streets and there was live music wafting from tents in all directions.  There were gangs of exciting kids dressed as lions and tigers and bears galloping around, chasing each-other's tails in a safe, supportive, relaxed and fun atmosphere all in the gorgeous surroundings of West Dean's rolling grounds.  There was even original Salvador Dali artwork on the college walls.  The weather was welcoming, the college staff moreso and the overall atmosphere - as with any good festival - was of a timeless, other-worldliness that bitter reality could not penetrate.  It was a little bubble of perfect summer.  I'm glad I went and look forward keenly to the next one!

You get a flavour of the event from this home video:



But, for me, the find of the event was the closing night headliner: James Hunter.  I'm not a particular fan of 60s inspired Soul and Blues, but the infectious energy they had on stage and the virtuosity of their performance was just too winning!  And, furthermore, Hunter himself was just having so much fun playing the music he so obviously loves, you couldn't help loving it too!

Here you get an idea of his very English sense of humour and his very American singing voice:



And here you get him and his full band - including that smokey Hammond organ and amazing sax sounds ... On Jools Holland's Later ...

Tom Hanks had the RIGHT Idea ... I Want MY Money Back!

Larry Crowne didn't play my local cinema because, contrary to appearances, it doesn't contain any car chases and therefore is of no interest to the mouth-breathers who frequent my local kinema.  I, therefore, have no opinion on the film ... But there are others on which I certainly do!

So, you’ve seen the news story – reported here in The Guardian – of Tom Hanks giving the cinema ticket money back to two people who didn’t like his film Larry Crowne.  Is that a dangerous precedent or the way forward? 

Well, I think that might be the way forward!  Bringing film-makers to book.   

So, over on WhatCulture! I've put together a list of the five biggest miscreants who OWE ME BIG!!

You'll find the list here.

And yes, it is meant to be funny!

THE CELLULORD HITS THE AIRWAVES

So I decided to go to a car-boot sale this morning.  It was sunny and, so far as I knew, I had nothing special to do.  Bought some old film mags (a clutch of Picturegoer magazines from the 1950s and 40s, the oldest being from 1924).  I get a real thrill leafing through magazines which were first read fifty-plus years ago.  The style of the articles and particularly the adverts give one a little slice of history as real people lived it!

Anyway, I was sitting in the car, leafing through one of these when my phone rang.  It was my local BBC radio station.  They were running a feature based on this news item, about Virgin Airlines giving warnings about movies that are likely to make their customers cry.  They wanted me to talk about tear-jerking movies.

So I did.  And here is that bijou nugget of timeless radio gold.  The Cellulord on BBC Humberside, interviewed by their afternoon presenter, Carl Wheatley:

  The Cellulord on BBC Humberside by cellulord 

PETER JACKSON'S THIRD HOBBIT VIDEO

Now the photos of The Dwarf Company have been revealed, you can see them all here, Peter Jackson's Hobbit Facebook page follows with a third production video - hot on the heels of the second.

Here we see all the Dwarves in action.  It's important to get used to them because there are thirteen of them!  They've succeeded in giving them all a different look, I have no doubt they will all have their own distinct personalities.

And then you get Rivendell.

And a shot of the actors with their diminutive doubles.

And John Rhys Davis.

And make sure you stay to the end for a special treat!

Be careful, though, there's at least one moment when Aiden Turner is caught smiling.  And the fabric of the Universe was not rent asunder.

It's nice that Jackson himself can't quite believe his luck, to be re-visiting Middle Earth ... Looking at it from the perspective of a mere mortal, I know how much I want to go there!

Don't know about you but I didn't think I could be any more excited about this film ... Turns out I was wrong - I can!



AND THIS JUST IN ...

They have now released the Photoshop fix-up of all the individual photos gathered together as one group.  Nice.

So, okay, here they all are:

JED BROPHY as Nori,

DEAN O’GORMAN as Fili,

MARK HADLOW as Dori,

JAMES NESBITT as Bofur,

PETER HAMBLETON as Gloin,

GRAHAM McTAVISH as Dwalin,

RICHARD ARMITAGE as Thorin Oakenshield,

KEN STOTT as Balin,

JOHN CALLEN as Oin,

STEPHEN HUNTER as Bombur,

WILLIAM KIRCHER as Bifur,

ADAM BROWN as Ori

AIDAN TURNER as Kili

Photo by James Fisher.

Balin's Dozen (click to enlarge - a bit)

PETER JACKSON'S SECOND HOBBIT VIDEO

Back in March, I wrote here about how good Peter Jackson is at keeping his fans informed through excellent video blogs.  He gave us unprecedented access to King Kong - too much access, in my opinion - but he seems to have moderated that here.   He has released two videos, some ten weeks apart - one just as production was getting under way and another as the first block of shooting comes to an end.

Of course, as with any endeavour involving the vast sums of money in question, the film had a rocky development.  A few months before the deals were signed, there was a very real chance that the movie wouldn't even be shot in New Zealand ... Which was a horrible prospect because every lover of Lord of the Rings KNOWS that New Zealand is Middle Earth.  Nowhere else would do!  The Prime Minister eventually had to step in to make it happen - but here is a report when the result was still very much in the balance:

Interesting friction between New Zealand and Australia there!  Anyway, we now know it all worked out for the best... And the evidence is available in these making-of videos.

In between the two videos we have had various nuggets of information revealed - for example, there will indeed be dividing the book over two films, not one.  The first will be called: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, due for release on December 14, 2012.  The second will have the original novel's subtitle: The Hobbit: There and Back Again and will be released a year later, on December 13, 2013.

We've also had our first glimpse at some of the characters.

Empire magazine has been given its traditional exclusive first look at Gandalf.  You can read the details here.  

Is it just me, or does the wizard look older?  I understand that McKellen is ten years older ... But the character is getting on for a century younger, isn't he?

The interwebs have also been abuzz this last week with these images of the first (of many) new dwarves:

Firstly we have Moe, Curly and Larry ...

... Followed by Stan and Ollie!

And, of course, there are THOSE all important videos.  Initially, the first video kept being taken down, but it seems fairly stable now, so you can watch it here:

Then instantly fast-forward three months to this fascinating view of the process.  I confess the imagery, the landscapes and Howard Shore's music gets me quite emotional.  I am SO excited about these films ... And, after you've seen this, you will be too:

ADDENDUM:

The drip-drip of information continues - we now have another couple of Dwarves, including the reason Mitchell the vampire won't be in series four of Being Human - Aidan Turner.  Actually ... Thinking about it ... Since The Hobbit crew are on sabbatical for a couple of months, I suppose he could shoot some scenes while he's back home.  Hmm.  Anyway, here they are - Dean O'Gorman as Fili and Aidan Turner as Kili.

Followed by Stephen Hunter as the voluminous Bombur, James Nesbitt as Bofur and William Kircher as Bifur:

Butch and Sundance, maybe?

Definitely Hewey, Dewey and Lewey!

FURTHER ADDENDUM:

The final couple of photos have appeared, completing the Dwarf Fellowship ...

Grandad and Del-Boy

... Including the image that Hobbit-fans have been waiting for: Thorin Oakenshield, leader of the Dwarves:

The King of The Dwarves ... is a Klingon!

And while we're on the subject ... Here's the photo of them all gathered for the first time, before shooting began.  Not surprisingly, Aidan Turner already looks miserable.  It's not like this film is going to make him an international movie star and sex symbol, or anything ...

CULT IS NOT A RUDE WORD

Cult movies.  What does it take for a film to be considered 'cult'?  Well, if the Hollywood hyperbole machine is to be believed, all a film has to be to be 'cult' is old and forgotten about.  If it's old and remembered, it's 'classic'.

The upcoming Fright Night is here referred-to as a remake of a 'cult'.  It isn't.  The 1985 version was a perfectly fine film, with a lovely performance by Roddy McDowall in the role David Tennant has now taken up.  But, for whatever reason, it didn't ignite the fans.

As is often the way with advertising, over-use has rendered these words almost meaningless.

But, to be a cult film, requires more than just age ... It requires credentials that only the fans can provide.  In this way, Lost Boys (1987) is probably more of a cult than Fright Night.  The more dedicated the fans, the more obscure the film, the more likely it is to be a genuine cult.

The motley crew of the good ship Serenity, here seen in the film of the same name ... Produced in no small part thanks to fan pressure.

Doctor Who fans are ridiculously dedicated, but their show has been consistently popular (much to the BBC's chagrin back in the 1980s) so that isn't a cult, that's a franchise.  But Firefly, that died after just one year and now, a decade later, groups of 'Browncoats' are starting to make their presence felt with conventions and websites.

Such as this upcoming event organised by the California Browncoats.

Fans are the key to identifying and understanding a genuine cult.  Fans who become so passionate about a show or a film, they interact with it, they don't just consume it, they study it, write about it, and pastiche it.

In the interests of decency, Bowie's tights and lunch-box are out of shot.

The Jim Henson film Labyrinth (1986) has developed quite a healthy cult following ... which extends to a range of fan-written fantasy stories (both the sexual - or Slash - variety and more romantic) which you can sample here.

Quentin Tarantino is a fan of cult films and layers his films with dense, inter-connected references to them.  Kill Bill (2003) is heaving with images and ideas lifted directly from Japanese and Italian films.  I defy anyone but the most hard-core of cult movie fans to identify them all.  But Kill Bill itself is not a cult film.  It's too popular, too mainstream.

Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975), of course, is a cult film and has been so for so long that it has emerged from the other side of cult and become mainstream.

Great poster, shame about the strap-line.

I would argue that the original Tron (1982) was a cult movie, spawning costumes as SF cons and fan-made computer games - like this one, which is wonderfully diverting -  until this year, when the sequel brought it to the forefront of everyone's attention.

Stuart Gordon's Reanimator (still the best adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft story yet to hit cinema screens) was a reasonable hit at the time - 1985 - but has largely been forgotten since.  A whole new generation of fans have clearly discovered it (as an adjunct to the present, unfortunate, fashion for all things zombie) and have been inspired by it.  Take this surprisingly assured fan-film, for example.

Another ingredient that can give a film cult status is its treatment by its distributors.  Fritz Lang's Metropolis (1927) was slashed down to almost half its length after its premiere and it has taken film historians thirty-odd years to re-assemble the original movie from prints found all over the world.  The BD and DVD released last Christmas still isn't complete, but it's as good as we're ever likely to get.  Orson Welles' Touch of Evil (1958) was similarly brutalised by its studio and, at least in America, so was Terry Gilliam's master-work, Brazil (1985).  These are all cult films.

A slice here, a cut there, and we'll have a film with the new happier ending ...

The other key to cult success is that a film or TV show needs to have been a flop upon initial release.  Clearly, this doesn't guarantee a long and varied shelf life, but being buried and forgotten about save by those with an affection for the unloved underdog, seems to be one of the most common signifiers of a cult.

I imagine Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010) will develop cult status eventually.  And that, then, would be the final ingredient - the 'eventually'.  You can't rush a cult.  Famously, The Shawshank Redemption (1994) died on its arse at the cinema but, over a five year period, developed a passionate fan-base on home video.  That, therefore, went through a phase when it was a cult film, but has now become so ubiquitous it is entirely mainstream.

Importantly, you can't manufacture a cult, either.  Fans will decide what they like.  They don't appreciate marketing people telling them what to think.

Now, all this was inspired by this lovely little documentary, which investigates what it is to be 'cult' and gives some esoteric examples.  Tis just a shame that this piece is only ten minutes long, I'd love to have seen more ...


Now, in case you are remotely interested - my vote for best cult film would be Mike Jittlov's The Wizard of Speed and Time (1988).  Never heard of it?  Well, there you go, the first stage of cult-dom already achieved.

It started life as this short film in 1979, which I offer by way of whetting your appetite:

DAVID LYNCH'S DAMN FINE COFFEE AD

See, some people think that David Lynch is strange, even eccentric. But, the truth is, he's just a man who enjoys a cup of coffee and a little Barbie bondage ... What could be more natural?


David Lynch Signature Cup Coffee from David Lynch on Vimeo.



If you feel you need to wake up and smell that particular coffee, you can buy it here abouts.

Cheers.

BLOODRAYNE - BOGOF!

Funny, but Clint Howard never gets roles like this in his brother Ron's films ...

One good way of keeping the cost of movie production down is to re-use the expensive bits - the props, the sets and, if possible, the actors.

Famously, back in 1931, two different versions of Dracula were shot on the same sets:  The legendary Bela Lugosi version and the rarely-seen but actually better Spanish version starring the (not terribly charismatic) Carlos Villarías and directed by George Melford, who shot his version at night, while Tod Browning et al worked during the day.

This was not unusual in the early days of sound.  Similarly, during the 'golden' age of The Studio System, the studios had a range of sets that were constantly dressed and re-dressed, decorated and re-decorated as needed or, as Christian Hayes points out in his blog The Classic Film Show, they sometimes didn't bother.

Two of the photos below are from the Humphrey Bogart film All Through The Night (1941), the other two photos are from a little thing called The Maltese Falcon (1941), also starring Humphrey Bogart and produced a few months later - before, it seems, the set dressers had chance to do much other than re-arrange the furniture. 

All Through The Night's elevator

... or is it The Maltese Falcon's elevator?

All Through The Night's corridor

... sorry, no, it's The Maltese Falcon's corridor!

Thing is, these sets were permenant fixtures on the studios' backlots, specifically designed to be used over and over again.

Now the studios no longer exist as production houses and sets are routinely ripped-down as soon as a film is finished, this doesn't seem to happen any more.

You'd think, especially in these straightened times, there would be a good case to make for this economy.  Two films for the price of one and a bit.  You buy one, you get one (almost) free.

This being so, imagine my delight when I discovered firstly this, the trailer for Uwe Boll's latest iteration of his videogame turned movie franchise: Bloodrayne - The Third Reich, featuring Clint Howard and Michael Paré:



Closely followed by the deliciously politically-incorrect comedy horror that actually looks much more interesting - Blubberella, also featuring Clint Howard and Michael Paré:



There you go, two schlock exploitation films for the price of one.  Great return on investment!  Now we just need to persuade James Cameron to film a smurf movie at the same time as Avatar 2.